That polaroid photo of ours has never left that wallet of mine. 

3 words of ' I love you' crafted on cheap copper that we bought for our anniversary still remains in that pocket of mine. 

Sorrow, colouring my heart, as that thought of me forcing a goodbye pressed onto me. Like it has always haunt me every night. 

That lump of guilt, still stuck in my throat. It will be something that will take a long time for me to swallow. 

That toy bear that you bought has been secure in my arms every night. 

Pictures that were taken, fills a whole file in my computer. Still, there wasn't enough courage for me to hit that delete bottom that seems so far away. 

That scar that seemed like a huge burden for you, makes me question myself. 

You were convincing me to stay, asking for another chance. All I did was to shake my head. For that, I will not forgive myself. 

Haunting myself with whys and regrets. Deep down I'll just hope you'll forget someone like me. 

went to a lounge in KL. Had a cup of alcohol plus coke. 1st sip of alcohol, and I went like wtf. plus... the bill came up to 100 bucks per person.... Utter Bullshit. Well, I wasn't drunk and still managed to drive.. Thank God

Well, as top pranksters. We never fail to pull of ridiculous pranks. This semester, it has been about pulling off pants. Ever boy had his pants pulled off. Mine happened in the library. A friend came from behind and, off it went. Thank god almost everyone was studying. In return, I forced his shirt off and hid it somewhere. He was half naked of a while. I gave him a wedgie later too. He had to throw it away. Unwearable, it became too loose.

Think I'm going insane. I'm actually happy solving equations now. I actually look forward finding complicated unknowns.

Finals a week away. Honestly, for all the past exams. I've never given my 100%. It's always studying but with games in front of me. Well, gonna uninstall all games. Targeting for at least 2hds:)

live a life true to yourself, not the life others expected from you.

A little too bored

Phones are now so catchy,
that they've became a priority,
But have you ever thought deeply,
that we are all becoming a dummy ?

People are constantly looking for beauticians,
worrying about demotions,
 I'm sitting here solving equations,
please do help me with my fractions.

A better world is all I'm wishing for,
hoping for faith in humanity to be restored,
villains should be hunted by dinosaurs,
or maybe thundered by Thor.

Wars are going on ,
where people are sacrificed like pawns ,
Most will be gone,
which are caused by morons ( people who caused the war).

where is the love

whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity

7

Every single soul in Monash knows that week 7 is the busiest week of the whole semester. But it's a whole different story for engineering students :/

Week 7 

Monday - physics quiz 

Tuesday - Structure Quiz 

Wednesday - Electrical mid semester exam , Electrical lab, electrical lab quiz 

Thursday - Structures 1st project presentation and deadline for appendixes 

Friday - Structures deadline for online submission 

Saturday - Physics Mid semester exam 

Sunday - Matlab submission 

 

I think monash is trying to kill us -.-

Hitting the ' Create a new post ' button. Pausing for such a long time. Mixed emotions, typing sentences, erasing them.

I was just typing and erasing. The loop just repeats itself. Then I asked myself, ' Why am I taking this so seriously ? Maybe I'm just over thinking stuff . '

Tamiya

Started picking up some hobbies. And yeah, this is a superb hobby, but a little expensive. 

Well, it involve cars. Mini ones. It was so popular almost 8 years ago, but suddenly it vanished :( I love playing with my cars like these :o 

So friends started knowing I was really into cars like these. Their responses were horrible, literally horrible. They looked at me like a small kid -.- Okay, people think that cars like these were only for kids because they used to play with them when they were a kid. People stopped playing because the company went bankrupt ! That's why many actually stopped playing. So, think before you insult. 

It's actually not that simple to deal with this cars. People think it's a bore because they can't control the cars. Well, that's the best part ! You need to complete obstacles without controlling it. Specific modifications has to be done before playing. 

For instance, if you were to play a speed track race, you'll need a bigger diameter tyres ? Well, apply it into physics concept.    , the larger the diameter, the higher the velocity. Besides that, fibre reinforcing plates are usually used as brakes. 

This picture was one of the races that I took part. It was a great experience. The track was a technical track, where tons of obstacles awaits you. Weights were actually added on, to increase stability and also to reduce the acceleration. Smaller diameter tyres were picked, because we want the car to be low, also for stability purposes. There was a trick I learnt, where small current were actually passed through into the motor to increase the torque or something like that . Not too sure about the concepts, but that was roughly the idea. 

And this is me, cleaning the bearings. Zippo was used for cleaning. It contains a mild doze of alcohol. And alcohol removes really fine dirt from bearings. 

It really open your eyes with how small tiny details can really change the performance for your car :) People who don't mind getting their hands dirty and oily should really give this a try. 

If look deep down into your heart, you'll find a hero

Had an exam on a saturday. Now, an assignment to hand up, on a sunday.

Screw you computing 

Bang

Looking across the street to observe the jam. Without noticing the car in front of me. There was a thud. I knew what was supposed to come right next. Hitting the emergency light button. Killing off the engine of my vehicle. I rushed down to look at the damage. I was really impressed with my car. Only one number from my car number plate came off. The other wasn't thaaaat bad. The bumper didn't fall. It was just a minor scratch.

I was praying for the lady driver not to be so mean. But she was making a fuss out of it. She threatened to report to the police. She said, ' I'll make a police report, claim insurance, and you can say bye bye to ur P . ' I was like fml.

Called my dad immediately. Had no idea what my dad told her, she decided  not to  report to the police. But she wants 200 bucks. Without hesitation, my dad agreed. Because if she took this to the police station, the minimum fine would be 300 bucks -.-

I really have to be careful while driving. I feel so bad when my dad had to pay for my mistakes :(

My most hated subject. COMPUTING !

It's like learning a whole new different language :/ 

And I've found this really cool program :D for engineering structures. It allows your imagination to flow :D 

Google Sketchup (Y)

Cool eh ? :p 

I love the transfer window :D Liverpool made really a great impact, with 44mil spent :o It's gonna be a great season  !

It's so astonishing that simple words can carry such a tremendous meaning

screw u engineering

Santa Claus

I was sitting, waiting. For our gates to be opened. It was the day where my trip to Taiwan ended. It was also the day where my SAM results were announced.

Earlier in the morning at 5am, everyone I knew that were waiting anxiously for their results were wide awake. Me, miles away was Skyping with a friend, waiting too. Finally, it came. The screen flashed, 92.35. I gave my mum a call through the hotel room's phone. They were proud, very proud. I could enter into Monash, living my dreams.

While we were waiting for the flight number to be announced. Mum told me I could spend 500 bucks. Alright, that's cool. I could buy tons, ranging from Tamiya to shirts and new headphones. It was near Christmas, I thought I could buy my parents a Christmas present. So I allocated 200 bucks just for them. But something wasn't right. I didn't know what struck me. but then this thought came to me. I've been having 18 well blessed Christmas. I had good Japanese food for almost every Christmas Eve. But what about other children ? Is Christmas just an ordinary day for them ? Is Christmas for them staring out of the window, hoping ' Santa Claus ' will come knocking at their door ?

Without hesitation, I told my mum. I want to donate 200. That look of hers I would not forget. There were mixture of feelings in her stare. I can tell she was surprised, but somehow glad.

My family believes in Karma. When we were back in Malaysia, she donated 200 bucks to a blind society. I knew why. I have poor eyes, really poor eyes.

I had only 100 to spend. I didn't mind at all. You see people, life isn't about the amount of branded materials you possess. It's about making a difference. 200 might not be a lot. But I've given a little happiness to people who needed it. I don't see how people who have millions with them can't fish out a few thousands to help.

Maybe one day, when people can actually start letting go of personal possessions, just to help. It will be the day where everyone is actually rich, rich with happiness. Either that, everyone will still remain as slaves, slaves to money.

2012, it was the year I was a little Santa Claus.

Train ride , 2009

It was a strange place. It was like stepping into a mysterious jungle. Filled with so many unknown people, but yet I felt lonely and strange. The only thing I relied on was my phone and my brother (who was at the same school with me ). This time I was going to a different station alone. Well, I think that's what you get when you're new to a school.

Days passed, I was still cursing my parents for sending me here. This school was all the way in Klang. And it takes 45 minutes to get back home. The school consists only about 100 students. NOPE ! I was so not used to it. I missed my friends back in my old school. I missed the fact that I could literally not listen and the teacher wont notice.

Since parents were spending so much money just on education, I planned to study real hard. Yes, they saw my hard work and they were glad. So was I. I've learnt something really important. Never get too comfortable and contented in life. It was then, I felt my parents made the right choice :)

13th March, a day that changed everything. Wait, a phone call. A call that left me devastated. Ever since then, I was just begging and scrapping for attention.

It was also the year where my acne and pimples started pooping out like mushrooms -.- I was really bad :(  I couldn't sleep side ways. I had creams all over my face every night. There were days I felt like just skipping school :/

I would say 2009 was the turning point of everything. From a lazy bump, into a 'slightly' hardworking child ? Heh.

Train Ride, 2008

A start a new year. A special year, maybe a productive year. But just a little :)

I remembered a class, KH class ! Fun :D.. We were supposed to cook. Boys. It was a surprise that we didn't set the kitchen on fire. The class was way beyond my expectations. We cooked our own food :oooo ! We waited for all the groups to finish their cooking, the Muslims student had their prayers before eating then the very next thing, we all ate like hungry barbarians.

It was a year where I was very into a board game .

and 

Now, this game works your brain and makes you plan strategies. Good isn't it ?  I was so into it. I stopped studying, and ' camp' at the back of the class just to play. Now, THAT'S BAD. Real bad. 

During the report card day, the form teacher told my parents. Then, everything changed. Mum went school hunting. Not really because of chess. Mainly because of my results and me, being too comfortable. She found a school. I went mind fucked. I didn't want to leave, I was so comfortable here. I had friends, someone special, and the place that I'm familiar with. A school less than 2 kilometers away from home. Who the hell would want to leave ? 

So, i had to board another train. A train full of strange people. This time, alone. I wasn't happy. Inside, I was hating my mum. Only years later, did I realize that my mum made a choice which really made me a better person. 

Study study, maybe I'll blog 2009, tomrrow 

Train ride, 2007

It came to an end, where everyone had to board another train. EVERYONE. So, I wasn't feeling nervous because I know I'm gonna see the same group of friends again.

It was a whole new different environment compared to primary. The same routine every single day. School from 8am - 1.50pm everyday. Then wait wait wait until 5. Then it's basketball. Yup, no home work, no stress, being lazy. That's the life.

Basically, the whole year was monotonous. I didn't want to try new activities. For example, marathons, chess club that my mum wanted me to sign up. I was so comfortable with life. Trust me, it's not good being too comfortable. It's good to get out from your comfort zone, and experience.

Conclusion, a lousy year wasted.

Life

Life is just like a train ride. We are on a journey to a certain destination to meet our goals. On board, we will be boarding with strangers, each with a different destination. But after some time, everyone will settle down, and eventually make friends. Overtime, the bonds become stronger and stronger, until a certain extent we call each other brothers and sisters.

When the train reaches a station, friends will be saying good bye. People with a different goal and dreams will be leaving, stepping down from the train. Tears will be shed and goodbyes will be hard. At the same time, new people will be boarding the train. We make friends, and bonds will be formed.

Life is just like a cycle. People come and go. Appreciate them, before you can't. Love them before it's too late. And also, live like today is your last day.

:D

At first I was like ' RON RON RON !! ', a little confused. Then at the end :o ohhhhhhh.

The start of semester 2 :( That means no more running man marathon, no more FIFA 13, and no more road trips ! But I am a step closer to graduating :D

Monash closed about 100 parkings -.- Dude, where do you expect the students to park. What about people who have classes around 10 in the morning ? Do you know the amount of fuel that's needed to be wasted just to find parking ? At least think of a backup plan ... grrrrr !

Hope sem 2 treats me well. And I only pray for good teammates. ( That's the key to survive each semester )

I want to lose weight so badly. Whenever I start eating, I'll check the calories content and decide whether to eat or not :o

Abandoning ?

Nope, never. Abandoning the country would be the last thing I do :/ You know when friends and relatives casually ask you your plans about the future ? About where are you gonna study and stuff like that.

So here's my answer :

I'll be going off to Australia around 2015. Gonna continue my engineering course there and graduated in Australia and MAYBE pursue Master of Business Administration. Wait for 2 years and get a PR there. Then maybe I'll plan to settle down there.

People will go like' whut why leave ? this is your home ! '

Now, it took my almost a year to decide whether to migrate or not. It wasn't easy. You see, it takes a lot of courage for me to say, ' Ok, I'm gonna go'. Home is where he heart is, I know. It all depends on the situation. I'm not gonna elaborate more on the ' situation' . It gets more political and it is also partly the chances for me working in a research and development sector.

 Here's my home. My friends are here. Places, the culture, the food, my family and my heart just doesn't want to leave this place. But if there's a place which maybe has a better chance, a better future for my next generation, a safer place. Why not ? I don't want to look back regretting not leaving.

Like I said it depends on the situation. One day, I'll be back, helping the poor with sky rocketing house prices. I know, big talk. But it takes a little piece of my soul away seeing people without limbs, forced to beg. People who literally do not posses the ability to talk, having to sell key chains at restaurant, and surprisingly, dinning people wave them away. I want a change in society, a change in humanity.

Oops, off topic. Don't worry people, I'll be back. To change.

Bucket List

Things to do before dying ?

I've never done this before, so I thought it would be great having a bucket list :D

1. To become a successful engineer, working in a research and development department.
2. To change the world like how cellphones did.
3. Own a semi-D with a mini swimming pool.
4. ADOPT 2 dogs :DD
5. Financially stable by the ago of 30.
6. Bungee jump from the Macau Tower ! ( 233m, tallest bungee jump in the world)

7. Attend any big bang's concert. They actually came to Malaysia, but due to exams, was forced not to go !
8. Waiting for the time to come when money isn't important anymore. Then withdraw 90% of it in cash, and walk the streets, giving it out to needed people !  just like this video :o What if today was your last day!

9. Meet Sulli from f(x) ! She's just too pretty :o
10. Buy dad a Volkswagen Passat :D he really wanted one. Then mum came up to me, she told me, dad didn't want to get one because of our education :( Yeah, the guilt.

11. Watch a football match in Anfield ! LIVERPOOL <3 nbsp="" p="">

12. Own a japanese restaurant :D hahahaha.. Shashimi everyday :o
13. Give back to the environment !
14. Have my own foundation, solely for donation purposes.
15. Retire in New Zeland !

There's more but i just can't think of anymore at the moment :(

Results

This morning, the first thing that came to my mind was the semester 1 final results. I had applied for the SMS system. So instead of switching on the computer for my results. I can know the results immediately through SMS :D I was a little nervous because I've always have high expectations for myself. I was expecting 2 distinctions and 2 credits. Telling myself not to hope for much as I would let myself down.

Hitting the button on my phone, I saw the a weird number flashing. Yup, that must be an Australian number. Below the message there was my subject code, ENG1040, which stands for engineering dynamics ! The toughest subject of all. I haven't been getting really good results for this subject. My mid semester result for dynamics was 9/24 -.- Yeah, I failed. fffff. Surprisingly, I got a distinction for it. Bless all souls. I couldn't believe my eyes, seriously. This news actually lifted my hopes. The bad news is, the remaining 3 subjects were only credits :( So, 1 distinction 3 credits. It was a let down. Well, a little. I had friends which had to retake some subjects. I'm on the safe side so I should be glad right ?

Promising to work harder next semester ( never succeeded ) will be my goal so far. I can't wait to learn more :o Why am I so eager to study ? -.-

K-pop, insanely addictive, even without you knowing the lyrics.

Haru-Haru ! the chorus is really catchy. A must to listen :3

22nd June 2013

It was Sungha's concert on that day. I was pretty excited, then, there were news saying there was going to be a ' blackout' somewhere in KL. Guess what, it was next to my concert event. The concert was held in Dewan Bandaraya Kuala Lumpur, so I was pretty nervous getting to the concert venue due to the high traffic and the police.

I brought my guitar. I have 2 guitars. I had the old one signed in 2011, and the new guitar is still waiting for that signature of his ! There were police everywhere. I was stopped and I told them I had a concert to attend  to. It was very convincing since I had my guitar with me. Surprisingly, those policemen were really friendly :)

I love coming to these concerts alone. I DON'T KNOW WHY ! heh ! So as expected, merchandise were sold before the opening of the auditorium. I've bought 3 albums, 8 guitar picks ( still waiting to be given away to some friends ) and 2 t-shirts. My money got ripped off -.- It came up to a total of 280 bucks. ffffff . Thank god dad gave me enough cash to spend.

Finally, the auditorium doors were opened. I took Sungha awhile to step up. He's really a quiet person, not much of humour in him. The songs that he played were mostly composed songs. These are the songs that he played:

1. Felicity ( composed)
2. Sorry  ( composed)
3. Friends ( composed)
4. Payphone - maroon 5
5. Locked out of heaven - Bruno Mars
6. I remember you ( composed)
7. On a brisk day ( composed)
8. Nostalgia (composed)
9. All of me ( composed)
10. Cannon Rock

So when the MC announced the last song that Sungha was about to play, I made sure I had everything with me. Because of past experience I knew that the autograph sessions were gonna be a long wait. Just as he played the last note, I rushed out and was the 4th to arrive. Heh ! A minute later, the queue actually reached the toilets. Yup, It was that bad. I had a minor priority because of purchases ( CDs and t-shirts) that were bought earlier. Lucky me !

So i have his big signature on my new guitar now. Pretty proud about it ! It gives me a stronger push for me to play :)

Songs come and go, but this song sticks. 

I can't afford to go out everyday and come back home around 12am. I have rules to follow, and of course different families have different set of rules. So, don't go saying that I'm being anti-social and teasing me about not being fun after I've moved to college. You people can afford going out everyday without your parents knowing, that ain't my problem. You people can drive up to genting without your parents knowing, that ain't my problem too. Aren't you people well bonded with your families ? Don't you people need to spend some time with your families 

I love spending time with my cars on the racing track. It's an old toy, played by people 10 years back then. Yup, I love it. Why are you people making fun of my interest ? So just imagine a group of people laughing at your interest. The worst of all, they insult you in front of everyone when you can't make it to a party. 

On the other hand, friends that were there for me. Even if I were to miss a gathering or an outing. They'll give me call and tell me it's ok, and they'll tell me if there's another gathering or something. Can you see the difference? Friends that respect you for who you are and also really good at reading my feelings. 

Yes. I'm a bit sensitive with these sorta stuff. It was about a year ago when I told my friends while we were having dinner that I wouldn't be joining them for their next road trip to another friend's house. Yup, got scolded in public. Yeah, sounds ridiculous right ? Boycotted me for almost 3 months. What's wrong with me not going ? 

If friends can't respect your decision, just tell them to shut up :) 

what do u want from me ?

Brother constantly on smartphone and headphones. Not even a word from parents. When I'm on the headphones just once. Honestly, just once. Parents, lecturing, saying that it's too much. Dafuq you ppl want from me ?

Sorry

Just not having enough courage to say that I'm tired of all this. I know I'll have to do this sooner or later. I'm sorry

Holidays

Holidays would be

1. Running man
2. Tamiya
3. Guitar
4. Gatherings

gaaaaaaaa. it needs to be more interesting...

A change ?

My troops were ready for battle. I was too. Scouting for a village with abundant amount of resources to attack. It took me merely seconds to scout for one. A village with a huge amount of gold. The next thing I know, my archers were firing arrows towards the poor defense of the village. Giants that were hired were pounding against the weak walls, penetrating their defense. In just 2 minutes, the village was gone and the gold worth 100,000 was mine. I won. Smiling, feeling a little proud. Thinking of a strategy and plotting my next move. At the same time, still deciding whether to further improve my cannon or my archer tower.

Just then, I heard a distant cry. I was certain it was a cry of a baby. I looked around and I wasn't wrong. A 3 year old baby boy was whining. His parents were having a mini tug of war with him, snatching away a piece of slim and elegant looking metal. I realized, I was in a restaurant still waiting for our food to arrive. Still observing the family fighting for the iPad. It looked like the baby boy wanted to have his food and also have fun of that device of his as well. Dad was busy reading his National Geographic magazine. Mum was looking around. My younger brother was engrossed in his game. And this is me, feeling a little disgusted and disappointed.

Hitting the standby button on my phone. I started observing tables around me. Communication was replaced with electronic devices. Children busy swiping the screens and hitting buttons with such determination. Thinking back, I was like them too. Busy plotting my next move, neglecting my surroundings, and the people around me.

The feeling was worse than making silly mistakes in exams. Where's communication? Where's the laughter within families? Where's fun ?

'Smartphones were engineered to bring those far away much closer, while at the same time it also makes those near us more distant', according to Shane Hipps. In engineering, we were taught that sustainable development is an important key to a well balanced future. No one would have predicted smartphones would have such impact on the society.

After that incident, I've been trying to stop bringing my phone when I'm out for dinner. I wouldn't want to neglect what's around me anymore.

That's what inspired me to pursue my dreams in engineering. If a small device like this can change the world, no doubt there will be others that can change it as well. Machines were meant to reduce human effort, not causing humans to lose its ability to communicate.

Perhaps another change is needed. For the society and the environment.

looking back at my old blogs. Two description popped up, desperate and just someone wanting attention  :/ gotta admit that though. Deleted all of them -.-

i'm still alive